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You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.

Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.

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ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.

Like many problems, it can start innocently at first, with a person visiting sexually titillating sites perhaps out of boredom or a seeking escapism but then it can escalate to other behaviours, such as directly communicating with other people online and over time can become addictive and harmful.

Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.

Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue.

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Though it may be painful, the fact that you have started talking about issues is a good sign.

To continue with this process you may wish to seek marriage counselling ( relationshipsireland.com, accord.ie).

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