We share a similar experience with fathers though for reasons of gender had a different effect. People are very much like ducklets in that we are impressionable and become imprinted at an early age to what we identify with. The question is owning up to that which has our name on it!The little ducklet follows a hen believing her to be (the missing) mama etc. Secondly, the difference between "being" Black and "datng" Black is as you have discovered a matter of commitment; and commitment is the primary component of maturity. Thanks again for your articles and Best Wishes JST Thank you! You stated that you consciously choose to primarily date black men describing it as the "unequivocally more perfect union" over privilege. If the "playing field" were more equal in terms of sexual and racial politics regarding Black men would you feel the same? Hi Domevelo - I believe (as is probably apparent from this blog) in the feminist adage of the "personal is political" and vice versa.I knew that the Access Denied Pass did not extend to me – when I was in the “right” company, so shame on me for surrounding myself with such company, right? I still remember how I felt when I first dated a white man.I was welcomed into any space and important; we didn’t need to dress a certain way to prove our membership. The burden had been lifted; we wouldn’t get turned away at the door, in fact, we always skipped the line. I implicitly signaled to whites that I was mainstream, that I shared their middle-class values, that I was civilized – that I wasn’t angry, but safe and approachable. I realized I could choose whether or not my sons looked like Trayvon Martin, or my daughters like Marissa Alexander. The ease I was afforded became mitigated by the fact that my otherness amplified in increasingly white situations; while part of self-identification lies in perception, a portion rests in reality.When I choose to date a black man, I inevitably send a message to society about who I am and what I represent.
Sometimes I am intimidating or a race-baiting Angry Black Woman, but I can just as easily morph into innocent and approachable.
We stood there gazing at one another, he obviously embarrassed, pondering the same silent question; should I say something or just take this as a loss and walk back to the car?
If you’ve never been in a situation where you are singled out and denied access to a space because of your race and then forced to decide what action will allow you to leave with a bit of dignity, let me tell you, it is always painful and humiliating.
That being said, a little about me: I am a Black man and widely regarded as well educated though down to earth.
I am just now completing editing on my latest book about human nature.