Maltempo says women occasionally made assumptions about him based on his race.“When [I was] dating non-Asians, sometimes they were interested in exotic factors that I’m not a white guy,” he said.Tao Liu, a doctorate student in counseling psychology at Indiana University, has measured how Asian American men experience gendered racism.[My boyfriend was intimidated by my sexual history.Even though intellectually I knew it wasn’t true, but emotionally [I was] blaming myself for not meeting a seemingly objective standard of what is attractive.” MC Maltempo, a 36-year-old Korean American who grew up in Golden, Colo., also met his significant other online.He first joined in 2006, but only started using it seriously in 2013.“I feel like I’ve grown into being more socially outgoing and talkative, but I wasn’t always that way,” he said.“I think there was a long time where I felt ashamed, ashamed or self-conscious, or attributing me being single to the fact that I don’t have these qualities and I need to have these qualities in order to attract people.
But after a friend urged Jiang, a 27-year-old native of China, to give Maltempo a chance, she realized that unlike some other people she was talking to, there was substance behind Maltempo’s messages. He asked himself: “Would people notice [me] if I was a large bearded white guy who likes hiking? I don’t need it in online dating, too.] After nearly three years on Ok Cupid, Montecillo met his current girlfriend, who is Caucasian.His approach was to emphasize his interests (he and his girlfriend are both big fans of Radiotopia podcasts); and keep his profile short but interesting.So I dumped him.] In a recent online survey of 900 Asian American men, Liu found that Asian men frequently feel stereotyped as lacking masculinity; they also said they’re perceived as undesirable and as too passive.Part of the problem, she says, is that the white American man has become the standard for what is attractive. There are few Asian American male leads in Hollywood, and only recently have more Asian characters been cast as love interests.He was “looking for a person who he wanted to spend a lifetime together with,” Jiang said, “instead of playing around.” READ MORE: Sexting is widespread. I was talking to another Asian friend about dating — bad dates, embarrassing dates, funny dates — when we inevitably got to the topic of dating as women of color. A guy I used to date asked one day to look at my eyes up close.But when Montecillo reached the section that asked for his ethnicity, he hesitated.Montecillo, whose parents are Filipino, was born in New York and spent 13 years living in Hong Kong.Compared with black, white and Latino men, Asian men receive fewer matches and messages from women on the dating site.That’s not to say online dating can’t work for Asian men.